I’m Not Fancy

Although I’d like to keep most of my posts rant free and about the process of going from here to there when it comes to writing as an actual way of life, there’s something that’s been bothering me and I feel like someone needs to address it.

Let me start by saying, no I’m not a music critic, I’m not familiar with most underground records etc., but I’d like to think my music library is pretty diverse. Although I initially didn’t get the Blue’s Brothers, they grew on me. I listen to folksy raspy female singer/songwriters; Regina Spektor, Mary Lambert, Fiona Apple. I know who ACDC, Bon Jovi and Alice Cooper are. I have a very big part of my heart devoted to Johnny Cash. I’m even slightly familiar with Rap as well. I can enjoy El-P, Too Short, and Outkast with the rest of them. Hell, I don’t even want to murder Taylor Swift most days when I hear her poppy hooks.

But, there is a music terrorist among us and I think it poses a way bigger threat than the recent Ebola virus we done got going on in the country. Her name is Charli XCX.

You may not know her name yet, but she’s lent her talents to various songs shitting all over the radio waves recently. It’s a worse assault than the phrase “apple bottom jeans,” and “boots with the fur”.

Charli XCX helped write the song Fancy, I believe, though my memory of the Wikipedia summary of her is a little hazy. She did Boom Clap (one I don’t actually loathe), and was featured on I Love It (the one about crashing someone’s car into a bridge and burning something or other). She is also associated with miss Iggy Azzizzi, Azraheee, Azalia, whatever the crap her name is, (she’s a white rapper).

Most recently though, Charli has a song out called Break the Rules. As a 22 year old, she’s been working in the industry for a little while, trying to get things going for herself. As much as it pains me to be a hater, I just can’t stop myself.

In the early days, she worked a lot of rave shows, accompanied by her parents. She cites her influences as Lil’ Wayne, the Spice Girls, Miss Spears, Christina Aguilera, and just to throw some street cred in there, The Ramones. This alone makes me want to vomit all over the computer when I read it.

She’s worked with such greats as Vampire Weekend and Weezer on her music, so I just don’t get where she’s coming from at this point when she’s opening shows for another antichrist, Katy Perry. At one point, Charli can be quoted as saying she was writing songs about going to raves and doing drugs, but she realized that avenue just wasn’t that great so she started writing “proper songs”.

So why am I such a Debby Downer over this chick, let me just set this right here before you judge me for judging her.


Break the Rules

Electric lights blow my mind

But I feel alright and never stop, it’s how we ride

Comin’ up until we die, you catch my eye Bitch, you wanna’ fly

I’m so alive

Never stop, it’s how we ride

I don’t want to go to school, I just wanna’ break the rules

Boys and girls across the world putting on our dancing shoes

Going to the discotheque getting high and getting wrecked

I don’t want to go to school I just wanna’ break the rules

I’m such a star Queen Boulevard

Blaze through the dark

Get my guitar

sunglasses on

So light up


The song then goes on to say “na,na na” like fifty times. That’s it, that’s the song.

I want to put this in a little perspective. We live in a society where teenage kids think it’s funny to dump urine and feces on a mentally handicapped kid who thought he was doing the ice bucket challenge. We have young girls conspiring to stab and kill another little girl because some shit face on the internet told them to. We have tv shows called Teen Moms, that glamorize getting knocked up at a young age. Don’t even get me started on the most recent shooting done by a kid because his girlfriend broke up with him.

Now before you all go saying, “But there’s always been rebellious music in the world and things are just now getting weird. The Beatles, Elvis, The Sex Pistols, and James Brown were all hated by parents across the world because they caused our teenagers to lose their shit.”

But here’s the thing, we were still living in a world were common decency was still a thing. I mean even Andrew W. K. who talks about partying all the time in his quite fun song Party Hard, he talks about working all day. Meaning hey, if you work, then fuck yeah, you deserve to party.

Alice Cooper at least postured, now that school is out for summer, things are going to be different and there won’t be any more pencils, seriously when was the last time you used a pencil in your adult every day life.

At least he didn’t tell our youth to avoid a mediocre education. They had to wait until the summer session came to be done forever, meaning get your figgin’ diploma first.

This chick, now this chick is all about getting high and breaking rules. You know where that gets you Charli, in jail, that’s where. It gets you living in your parents’ basement, bumming money so you can buy cigarettes and vodka in plastic bottles. It gets you a DUI and an STD from that hipster guy with tighter pants than you at that awesome disco rave party you blacked out at. Silence does mean consent after all right?

Trust me, Charli, you will stop when the drug and alcohol courts mandate you piss in a cup every month as part of your probation.

At my job, I fingerprint incoming inmates who have just been arrested. As part of the in processing, they have to turn particular ways in order to get photos of every side of their faces. We now live in a society where, when a correction officer tells them to do a 180, they have no idea what that means. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, the officer takes a photo of the right side of their face and then says “Do a 180.” The younger inmates then look at the officer and go “What?”


I actually have a semblance of respect for this artist, she writes her own stuff and had plugged away until she got somewhere. But I expected so much more from her.

So ok, Charli, keep telling kids to not go to school and get wrecked and high to their little heartless hearts’ content. But in 10 years when you’re washed up and your album is selling for 50 cents in a Walmart bargain bin, but your fans still can’t afford to buy it because they are felons who can’t get jobs…I’ve got no fucking sympathy for you.


One Comment

  1. Jamarcus Turner

    Very Good Points. Well thought out and well written.

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