I’ve Made a Huge Mistake: on why you shouldn’t watch Harry Potter before your period
I posted this earlier to my FaceBook page, but decided it needed more room to grow…
Ok ladies, I know you’ve been there, you’ve known it’s been coming a few days in advance and there’s nothing you can do to stop it…guys don’t want to hear about it, and all girls want to blame their ridiculous reactions to things on it…( I once yelled at Jackson over messaging about how awful I felt, followed by a “AND I HATE THE FUCKING TACO SHELLS HERE!!!!” Nevermind I was in Afghanistan, it was the taco shells that put me over the edge, tasting like wax dipped in salt.
OUR PERIODS…yep, I said it…now, I don’t mean to be dramatic, but some seriously messed up things happen to the body; basically your uterus puts on a snowsuit of lining waiting for snow (sperm), so the uterus stands there all puffed up and angry. Then, when the snow (sperm) doesn’t show up most of the time, the uterus angrily rips off the snow suit, throws it down the laundry shoot (our vaginas), and stomps off…pissed that it didn’t get to do its thing. Then your body spends its time getting headaches and your brain waits for purely asinine things to happen so you can cry about it.
Ok, it doesn’t happen quite like that, but that’s what it feels like. So here’s a small tidbit of advice when it comes to one big thing you shouldn’t do right before your period.
When it’s shortly before shark week and you’re already emotional over spilled coffee…under no circumstances have a Harry Potter marathon…because you will
1) Bawl your eyes out when Cedric Diggory falls limp and Harry bravely brings his body back…he was actually a really good guy and good guys are awful hard to come by
2) Yell, “no, no, no no!” Right before Hedwig gets zapped and moan and cry because she sacrificed herself and you will wonder if your pet would do the same thing, then you just cry harder thinking about your own dog dying, because they totally would save you
3) Forget that Moody died too, so you just cry harder, then see Fred and George in a scene together all alive, and you were so worried about George when he lost that ear, but it’s ok because he lived, but then remember that Fred dies and it’s too much
4) Then…when you’re so stoked because Dobby is telling off that bitch Bellatrix…and his speech is Braveheart epic and you just want to snuggle him, then, when he dies, you’ll sob and wail about his tiny little shoes, and keep pointing at them, looking at your roommate…still screaming “but his little shoes are so tiny!!! Oh god, look at his little body under the sheet!!!,” as tears sop your face and shirt
5) Then, when Snape suffers the most awful death, you’ll cover your face to muffle the sobs because your grown ass adult roommate is looking at you like something’s wrong with you and you’re embarassed because you’re still mostly just thinking about Dobby’s little shoes and you just cry harder….Then Tonks and Lemus…and just….it’s just awful…then you remember Sirious Black is gone too…and just…come on! J.K. why’d you have to take him too!!!
That my friends…is why you don’t watch HP right before your period…