I’m Still Here….but I’m going
Things have circled around, starting from about a year ago….I was working, and going to drill, slaving for the precious few days I would have off of work, then I’d get up, and do it all over again. I strategically planned grocery trips and mundane cleaning for those days I didn’t have to go to a place that I didn’t necessarily hate, but held no love for.
I tried to make the cleaning fun by learning how to declutter, I hired the personal organizer, I got rid of a bunch of stuff…then still had to leave my house to go to work and not spend time in the house I loved. I went to the gym about an hour out of my day, trying to turn a desk job into something that didn’t keep me fat. Never mind all the random food brought in, “just because.”
“No Gwen, I don’t want to buy cookie dough from you because it won’t make it home because I’ll eat it all on the way home, and I’ll die from salmonella.”
I didn’t know it at the time, but if I kept going the way I was, I would never be able to fit all the things I wanted to do in my life into the few weekends I had off, writing, learning, seeing, hearing, feeling, you know, living….so….
Thousands of miles away, I woke up one day (seriously, like two days ago) and I knew what had to happen.
I quit my job.
I learned so much from that place, met some great people and have had so much simply for having that job there, to support myself. But I also learned what I didn’t want for my life. I know, I’m totally being a millenial right now…like, who do I think I am, giving up a steady paycheck, filled with certainty. I know so many people would be grateful for that job.
Am I slightly terrified…terrified that I’ll die penniless and unemployed…nope, cause then I’ll be starving and skinny at least.
My faith in happiness had waned so much over the past year, but you know what I do have faith in?
I have faith, that when I’m put in a position where I have no other option than to make this writing thing work out, I’ll make it work out.
Just to drive home the idea, I was walking to get lunch in Afghanistan three days ago and looked down onto the dusty ground…guess what I saw….a bright blue, motherfucking toothbrush!!!!!! (You’ll only understand the significance if you read this post previously, Why is There a Toothbrush in the Bushes.
I’ve read over and over, that you can’t wait for something good to happen. So, now it’s time to pull up the sleeves, put on the proverbial helmet and signal that plane right on in….stay tuned.