Leftovers

According to a light-bringer on Facebook, there is going to be a “Cancer new moon” tomorrow. This means we “are feeling more into depths of our emotional scars” as of late. The post stated we will also be forced to remember past traumas. But don’t despair, it says, because we are in a place of strength and ready to let it all go.

It depends on the day whether I buy into astrology or what the star signs have to say.

I want to believe.

I just deleted two paragraphs worth of me whining about the various things that are going wrong THIS MONTH. True to the prediction, my past failures and present traumas, little they were in the grand scheme of stuff, came flooding my mind. Then brain chimed in with it’s one POG’s worth of value.

Brain: NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR HOT WATER HEATER GOING OUT!!! Yeah, no one submitted any stories to the writing group you’re trying to start, yeah work sucks the life from your bones, including the cartilage, yeah you’re spiraling, and this just might be how life is now, but no one is promised a happy ending.

Me: But it’s not supposed to be this way.

Brain: This way…let’s look at this way…Psst…you know that hot water heater…you WOULD have had to pay for labor, but because Manfriend knows about those sorts of things, you got free labor and all you had to pay for was the parts. You had the actual money to even pay for the parts. Not everyone is that lucky. You asked the universe for a break, well there you fucking go Laura. Right in front of your face. AND, he’s pretty damn cute. The universe can’t stop the water from spewing, but it can give you the tools to solder the leak. If you can fix the leak, you can get to another day. That job you complain about gives you a sense of meaning no other job has ever given you, and it gets a little bit better every day. The crickets in response to the writing group aren’t a reflection of you. people are busy. They’re vulnerable, and can’t always tell their stories. Fuck it, what’s the use in talking to you anyway. You hardly listen to  me anyways.

Brain stormed out of the room and I was left with Heart.

Heart has been sick lately. The world has been so ugly and hateful, and Heart is supposed to feed on the good things. It’s been starving, so I have been giving Heart a daily dose of antibiotics made up of books, music, and episodes of The Office, as needed. It seems to do the trick. I have a prescription for the New Mr. Rogers movie, but my insurance (aka wallet) won’t cover it just yet.

Heart turned to me and said: I don’t mean to be gushy here, but this is where the growing pains happen. This is the part you hear about in all the stories. This is the part where the hero is about to give up, change into yoga pants, and start working for a telemarketing company. But you hate talking on the phone, so we’re not going to do that. No, this is the part where you go to bed, get some sleep, and start again tomorrow. Someone needs you. You might not even know them yet, but they need you. You needed someone once, and they were there. What happens if someone needs you and you’re not there? Now, that musn’t be your burden to bear, the obligation to be there for someone. It’s not an obligation though, it’s a chance. Please keep taking chances.

That same spiritualist (Vijaya Michele is their their name if you wanted to know) ended  their prediction I spoke about earlier with, “expect your capacity to feel love and devotion to expand in unexpected and sometimes startling ways.”

Well hot damn!

Here’s to love and devotion in unexpected and startling ways.

One Comment

  1. Kanda

    I’m always there for u. I will start writing that outline for the books when things settle down n get into our new routine. I promise. I love n miss u so much.

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