Here But There
I feel like a real girl, no not a girl, but a woman. I put my nose to the grind Monday through Friday…but also some splatches on Saturday on Sunday, answering messages to my staff. I went from having no kids, to being responsible for almost ten other human beings with the new job.
Within that frame, I’m nesting. I moved in with Manfriend.
This Saturday, I stared down the bundles and baskets that contained my life. The piles stifled me. “But I’m a minimalist…HOW DO I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT?” I cried to myself after unloading only a car full of belongings. Nevermind I’d gotten rid of 90% of the things I owned on the move to Missouri two years ago. There was still so much left.
“It’s not so bad,” Manfriend whispered in my ear, as he hugged me while I cried. I was overwhelmed with where to put it all. “This is nothing,” he ended with, tripping over reusable totes.
I promptly threw out about two garbage bags worth of stuff I’d lugged from mom’s house to the apartment. I started with the bookcase. After carefully holding certain spines in my hands, I made more cuts. There is now a box sitting in the dining room with books and DVD’s I plan on selling to Half Price Books.
Why…why did I hold on to these things, convinced only a week ago that I needed them, only to throw them to the humid air of now? There is only so much room to fill in this Indiana apartment with a scary laundry room in the basement. Two years ago, I thought I tackled the monster of STUFF.
It’s strange to merge a life with another person. A person I didn’t know the name of not so long ago. Amongst his book collection and Shampoo Samurai figurine, I have my maleable peanut butter and jelly squishy, which I bought in Arizona, so that’s not going anywhere. And there’s my hand picked wand from a Harry Potter “convention.” As I went through my things, I found a card Boyfriend had sent along with a piece of jewelry. It had at least three grammatical errors and eons of bitterness. Into the trash it went. I need to make room for what is to come.
I have made this place my home. In the coming months, I plan on getting rid of more things. Not so I can fill the new space with replacements, but so I can breathe in between.
Home is now using his fancy pots, but also drinking from my favorite coffee mug.
Home is slathering lotion on my face in the new beauty room.
Home is a picture of mom that reminds me of a time I missed her so much.
Home his grasping his hand as it flops across my belly in our bed, knowing it’s a part of the pieces he loves.
Home is grasping the few moments I have, right here, right now.