Ted Talk Tuesday on a Saturday – Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person
I’m about four days late with my post on “Letting Go Of Expectations,” Ted Talk. It’s no surprise that someone who’s trying to work on doing better, would be late to the party.
Last week’s post kind of took the hutzpah out of me. I came to terms with getting out of the Army, and it made me revisit times gone by. I reached out to two friends I hadn’t spoken to in awhile. One was accommodating, saying the polite things. The other, was silent. They had nothing to say to my olive branch. This Other wasn’t just a pawn in the mediocre scheme of things. She was my home base. I’d spent so much time with her, that when we parted ways, something felt off for a long time. To this day, there are moments when I look to my right, still expecting her to be there.
I needed last week’s Ted Talk more than I knew. I had expectations of what it meant to have a friend. In my mind, it was supposed to be forever. I expected to grow old and to stir up shenanigans with her name on my lips every day for the rest of my life. That kind of thought process puts a lot of pressure on my relationships for today. It creates a sense of – I’ll address that tomorrow- type of situation. But tomorrow keeps bleeding into next week, then next month, before you know it, it’s been 6 months since you’ve actually smiled, in-person, at your person/people.
Letting go of expectations brings me into the now. And now, I’m not being a very good friend to those who are right across from me.
I get it, fostering friendships as an adult is nearly impossible. When work shifts don’t even come close to meshing, when kids happen, when entire Saturdays are spent on laundry, when the utter exhaustion of having been through what you’ve already been through keeps you nailed to the couch, it’s hard to make the effort.
It’s unrealistic to expect that I’ll get to hang out with friends every other day. I took for granted the proximity to friends when I was younger. You’d just get up, go to school, and bam, you were watching your best friend pick up their homework from the history teacher because they’d been suspended for fighting a dude (Katie, you’re still a badass).
But I’ve got to make the days I do see them count. It’s going to take more conspiring, but it’s possible.
Friends are lifelines. They’re the tether to all the things that keep me here. I have to remember that. One threw me a GD Golden Girl Birthday party last year, that is priceless. So be it that others float away, it’s bound to happen. I’m not going to resent the friends who are gone. Love is like that, it doesn’t just go away. My memories of “Maria” are still mine. They’re still hilarious and heartbreaking. Silence can’t take that away. So, thank you, thank you for being a friend.
On that note, we’re continuing on with the theme of relationships. Manfriend and I recently acknowledged our one year anniversary. He has literally become my best friend. Meh, so it’s kind of related. I mean, I wasn’t going to jump right to transcendental meditating from here.
At this point, this video is just daring me to be an outlier. So please, enjoy, learn, and grow from this week’s Ted Talk: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person, given by Alain de Botton.